Mary, Did You Know?

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone, much too quickly as usual. I pray everyone enjoyed the holiday with family, friends and lots of good food. We attended a big gathering with my husbands family which reminded me of the gatherings my family had when I was young. I miss those times and wish our family got together like that more often.

As we approach the Christmas holiday, I have to address something which has been haunting the recesses of my mind for months now. Ever since my eldest son joined the marines last January I have been struggling with thoughts of his mortality. I know, morbid right? But I can't keep my realist, logical brain from going there. We all cope differently and my way of coping is to mentally prepare for all possible scenarios. That being said, let's face it, we are a country at war, in a violent and turbulent time. 

I am happy to say that for now, my son is safe in school, on a naval base in Florida. He's spending his free time fishing and playing video games...for now. Unfortunately, there are many mothers who do not have that comfort and my heart and prayers go out daily to each one of them. Let me also say that I am as proud and grateful to my son for his decision to serve as any military mother ever has been! I have already seen how the Corps has taken the man child I raised and is turning him into a polished, well rounded young man. However, I look at his pictures and still see my baby boy.

Which brings me to Mary, a young mother, who lost her son in service to the entire world, for generations and generations to come. WOW! I can't imagine what it must have been like to be the mother of the Messiah. To bear that precious baby boy, to love him and raise him. To watch him grow in grace, to see the light of God shine through his eyes. WOW!

I was recently asked to sing the song "Mary Did You Know" for our church's annual Christmas play. The words of the song take you to that fateful night and make you wonder, how much did Mary know about what lay ahead for her little lamb. Did she know he would make the lame walk and cause the blind to see? Did she know that he would turn water to wine, calm storms with a wave of his hand, call the dead to rise and walk? Could she possibly have understood that the small child she had delivered, had actually come to deliver her, and me, and you? When she looked into the eyes of her baby boy, did she see a savior?

Oh Mary, did you know?

More videos from RHYTHMICSOUNDSOFNEWJ (playlist)

My other ministry... Check out Rythmic Sounds of New J, our church choir, as we minister at the 2012 World Choir Games and our annual concert.

Thank God...I Have A Story

Since I have begun to share here on my blog, I have had several people ask me...why? Why start a blog, why are you writing, why put your business out there for everyone in the world to read? My answer is simple...God gave me a story, a testimony, and through His word he beseeches me to tell it.

Psalm 107:2, 42 "Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,...The upright see and rejoice, but all the wicked shut their mouths." (NIV)

God has been good to me! I know it may sound passe, but when I look back over my life and see where God has brought me from, I want to shout his praises from the roof tops. I feel compelled to tell everyone I meet the wonderful things I have learned during my life.

As a young single mother I learned first hand that God will feed the hungry. I remember the holiday food box that was sent home with my boys from their school, even though I never signed up for the give away. I remember the sweet nun who packed me 2 bags of groceries to take home when I came to the food pantry to donate infant cereal and formula I could no longer use. Although I did not ask, God saw my need and filled it.

I know first hand that God is a healer. After giving birth to my middle son, I was told I would have to leave the hospital without him. He was born with neonatal meningitis and spent 21 days in the hospital. I went to the hospital each day to hold, feed and pray over my baby boy. The doctors and nurses gave me tons of information and tried to prepare me for the possible physical and neurological effects the illness could have. They talked of possible hearing and vision loss, speech problems, learning disabilities, paralysis, epilepsy and seizures. But my son left the hospital fat, fine and healthy. Ean grew to be a strapping young man, extremely intelligent and never suffered from even the common cold as a child. God is AWESOME!

And talk about faithful! I know full well that God is faithful and He answers every prayer. God is there for the BIG and small things in life. The Father is always just a prayer and trusting heart away. Psalm 17:6, "I call on you my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer."  I have seen in my life that even the most trivial issue can be taken to God, "Lord, please don't let me miss this bus, help me find a place to park, help me find my keys!" But He is also faithful to take care of the big issues of your heart, "Lord, help me find a job, give us a safe place to live, heal my mother, please let my baby be ok."

In the 42 years I have been blessed to live thus far, I have seen so many miracles take place. Large and small miracles in my life and the lives of others. No, I have not seen the Ohio River parted  to allow me to cross over, but I KNOW my God is able to do that and much more. I am so grateful to God for keeping me. I tell my story as a way to say "thank you" to God for His grace, his mercy, his peace and his joy. Thank you for protection, provision, strength. Thank you for knowledge and understanding. Thank you for love. Thank you God, for my story. 

My First Love

I am a mother of four beautiful children. I love each one of them dearly and differently, but just the same. I am sure all you mothers understand what I'm saying.  Each one of my children holds a special place in my heart. A mothers love is unlike any other love on this earth. As children we know this. Those of us who are lucky experience that love first hand. The origin of that love is something unique. A mothers love comes not from the heart, but is born of the soul and I believe it is a direct reflection of Gods love for us. It is a love you cannot understand until they place that sweet little one in your arms for the first time.

I was a strong willed, independent, unmarried 20 year old when I became pregnant with my first son. My relationship with his father was casual at best. When I informed him I was pregnant, he made it perfectly clear he was not ready to be a father and exited stage left. When I told my family and friends the reaction was two fold: there was joy and excitement, followed quickly by criticism and condemnaton. My mother, who divorced my father when I was a toddler and had raised me on her own, was the biggest skeptic. "How will you continue with college, work full time and take care of a baby all on your own?" she wanted to know. Honestly, at that point I had no idea. I hadn't thought that I would be "all on my own", but soon I found that to be the case. Many people who knew me, including my sons father and my mother, suggested I terminate the pregnancy. They told me to chalk it up as a mistake and move on.

That was the first time I recognized the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Actually it was more than a prompting. Everything inside me cried out "NO!" A love and protectivness like nothing I had ever felt, rose up in me. I didn't know much, but I knew my baby was not a mistake, but a gift from God. I was not attending church regularly at that time and hadn't read much of the bible. But at age 14 I had given my life to Christ. I was not skilled in the art of prayer, but I knew who to turn to when I had no one else. I knew Gods promise never to leave, nor forsake me. (Deut. 31:6,8, Joshua 1:5, Heb 13:5)

The first few weeks of my pregnancy were hard, I felt scared and alone. I spent every minute of my free time on my knees, crying and pleading with God to help me. I had never before gone to God in this way and I wasn't sure He would answer. For the first time I searched His word for anything that might pertain to me, anything that would give me hope. And I found SO much!!! God spoke to me from the pages of my dusty King James bible. He told me "all things are possible" (Luke 18:27) and that "I can do all things through Christ..." Phil. 4:13. He assured me He would "direct my paths" (Prov 3:6) and most importantly that "he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins" (I John 1:9).

With Gods help and the Holy spirit to comfort me, I had a happy and healthy pregnancy. On December 11th of that year, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. For the first time in my life I knew what real love was. I knew I would give anything, go anywhere, fight any battle for the precious baby boy they placed in my arms that day. Now, almost 22 years later, I still feel that way about Juan-Damien, my first love. 

I's Married Now!

I guess I will take the next few posts to introduce myself and tell a little about what's going on with me. Today's article came to me as I sat looking at wedding photos last night. (My new favorite past time!)

I am a newlywed! After many long years as a single mother, at the tender age of forty two, I became a blushing, first time bride. This may surprise some of you. I must admit it came as a surprise to me.

In my twenties I spent much of my time searching for "the one". I persistently moved from relationship to relationship, hoping to find Mr. Right. I was diligent in my search, determined to find myself a suitable husband and a father for my two young sons.

As I moved into my thirties the search became much more serious. All around me family and friends were getting married, settling down. Some, by then, were working on marriage number two or three even. Those really got to me!You know how the saying goes, "always a bridesmaid...", blah, blah, blah.

But I told myself it was ok if it took a little longer for me. Afterall, I only planned to do the marriage thing once so it HAD to be right. Even so, the search was draining. With each failed relationship, I lost a little of myself. My once healthy self esteem began to suffer. I succumbed to thoughts that maybe I just wasn't worthy. Then came the worst lie the devil ever tells a woman, wrapped in four little words - "what's wrong with me?" Finally, too defeated to keep up the search and too proud to admit to anyone I was defeated, I just quit searching...

And it was the BEST thing I ever could have done! See, during those years, without me taking much notice, a wonderful thing happened to me. As I was raising my sons, attending school, working a full time job (sometimes two), I was also falling in love, with God. I came to know I could lean on Him when my load got heavy. I came to know the power of prayer and I discovered that when I was too tired to go on, it was the Lord who carried me. "My flesh and my heart may fail, butGod is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26  I began to put all my energy into the one relationship that mattered. I began to seek God with my whole heart and to worship and love Him with all that is within me.

Then, it happened. God in His infinite wisdom and infallible timing, sent a man who was made to love me! When I stopped searching... well, let me put it this way, WHEN I MOVED OUT OF THE WAY and let God, who is the source of all love, show me what He had for me, it happened over night. God sent me Will. A man strong in character, full of faith and rooted in the Word of God. A man I could only recognize and appreciate after I came to know my heavenly Father intimately.

Will and I dated only four months before we were engaged and we married thirteen months later, this past August. I could not be happier. Now when I look at my husband, I thank God for him. And when he shows his love for me in a million small ways each day, I smile, knowing that is just God showing off!

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14

Access To the Throne

This is an article I wrote recently. My journey as a God Girl has taught me how important and powerful prayer can be. Hope this blesses you!

As I sit at my desk lately, I often find myself called to the throne of God. As I mature as a Christian, I find myself speaking to God many times during the day. I may ask for strength. Sometimes I ask for blessings for someone in need who comes to mind. Many times I just feel the need to tell Him thank you, as the many blessings I have received come to the forefront of my mind. It is wonderful to know that God is always near and that he hears me. 

However, lately I have experienced a stronger tug at my heart. An urgency to be on my knees before the throne of God, not just speaking to Him, but beseeching him to fulfill some need, or provide some protection, or just to bless someone who is not ready or able to bow down before Him. When this happens, I am drawn into a quiet, dark corner inside myself. With closed eyes and an open heart, no matter where I am, I go to Him. All things on the outside fade away and all that is left is my soul and My Father. I lay my request at His feet, offer up my thanks and bask in the peace His presence provides. There surrounded by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, joy is found. All stress is gone and life becomes easy. When my time in the inner circle is over, I return to my daily life feeling so full. I am well rested and have not a worry in the world. I come away knowing that all my issues have been addressed. Doubts have been removed, problems have been worked out, lives have been touched by His hand. All that is left is Peace and Assurance. And all it takes is a moment or two at the throne.

For all of you who are just starting on the road to Christ, I know it can be hard. It can be scary to turn away from the sinful life you have always known, where you did what you thought you wanted and felt as if you were in control. But believe me, it is well worth it. Matthew 10:39, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (NIV)As you grow and mature in Christ, the rewards of this life become more and more clear. 2 Peter 1:3, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.” (NIV) There is nothing like the peace you get, when you know your life is in His all powerful hands. As your faith grows, so does your joy. Keep drawing near to God. Seek Him with your whole heart. Immerse yourself in His Holy Word. In return you will receive the greatest gift ever. You will receive Access to The Throne.

Great Ideas

My son Curtis came to me and said " Mom, I saw this poster that was perfect for you. It said..."

Well, this blog is one of the great ideas that I have been pondering a lot recently.

I have been writing for as long as I can remember. As a child I would write letters to my mom. It was so much easier to express myself that way. As I grew, I loved the written word and became an avid reader (just like my mom). I studied Creative Writing for 4 years at the Performing Arts school I attended. Although kids, work and life in general have gotten in the way, I have always continued to write. Short stories, articles, poetry. I always felt I have a novel inside, but could never find time to write it down.

So I've finally decided that this may be just the forum I need to get my story out there. Bit by bit, piece by piece; in between working, shopping, cooking, helping with homework, singing and church ministry. In between being a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, mentor. This will be the space where I pour out all the overflow. For God has blessed me in wonderful ways and I feel so full most times that I need a place for the extra to go. And hopefully I will be able to enlighten, encouraged or at least provide some comic relief to someone in the process. I pray you enjoy and come back often.